


tell me how good it feels to be needed

by lostinthesounds



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Deckerstar - Freeform, F/M, Temporary Character Death, don’t like hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-27 03:44:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17759153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthesounds/pseuds/lostinthesounds
Summary: (Alternate 2x13) where Lucifer doesn’t make it back in time to give Chloe the antidote and she’s in a coma and most likely won’t make it, and Lucifer reaches out for some angelic help.





	tell me how good it feels to be needed

**Author's Note:**

> hey there! This fic is a lot of nonsense and probably makes no logical sense in its entirety. But I wanted to put my spin on 2x13, and this is how it came out. 
> 
> Enjoy reading! This took me a while and I’m proud. <3
> 
> (The title and quote at the beginning of the fic is inspired by the song “Needy” by Ariana Grande. I was originally going to inspire the plot by another song of her’s but decided on this one. Hopefully you find that it fits!) 
> 
> The POV’s range from Lucifer, Amenadiel to Chloe (although her POV can be third person too)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

>  “ _ **Sorry if I'm up and down a**_ __**lot (Yeah)  
>  Sorry that I think I'm not enough  
>  And sorry if I say sorry way too much  
>  You can go ahead and call me selfish (Selfish)  
>  But after all this damage I can’t help it (Help it)  
>  Or what you can trust, ’cause I need your touch”**

 

 

 

 _"Lucifer_ ,” He knows someone is trying to wake him, he could feel hands on his shoulders rattling him back and forth to give his body strength, but he realizes he can’t move. Not yet. “ _Come on...please you have to get up. Chloe doesn’t have enough time_ —“ 

 

Then, he remembers that he’s in his own head. He was experiencing his hell loop with the immense guilt he felt for killing his brother, Uriel. Everything was still scorching, burning his insides and his heart like he was meant to stay there and return. His hands were still bloody and trembling, afraid to put his sister’s blade down because it’d end up right back in his grasp and his sanity was slowly diminishing. He needed to get out of here, and his strategy was finally working. 

 

Like everything else that had gone wrong in his life, his mother decided to show up to save him. Lucifer sighed, of course his other brother named Amenadiel would come to the rescue because time was simply something he couldn’t stop anymore. Although, the second her eyes landed on her begotten son, she lost the motive to help Lucifer and immediately ran to her dead son. 

 

“Uriel, oh my sweet son.” His mother began to say, tears welled up in her eyes as she grabs his face with both hands. “I missed you terribly.” 

 

“ _Mum_.” Lucifer demands, trying to blink away tears of his own. He was the one that caused this, he killed one of his mothers favorite sons and he had to live with it. Uriel wasn’t real in his Hell loop because he was created with Lucifer’s guilt and sorrow — the Devil has to remind himself over and over again until it clicked again. — he wasn’t real. “We have to go, that’s not Uriel.” 

 

She doesn’t look away, and it makes Lucifer panic. It was either Linda or Maze speaking into his ear, trying to tear him away from his torment, and he wished he could tell them that he was trying his best. “He _isn’t_ real, mum.” 

 

“How I missed you,” His mother’s eyes were in a trance, looking into Uriel’s lost expression and hand on his torso. He couldn’t even bleed. “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there for you, all this time I truly wished I was.” 

 

“Mom?” Uriel spoke in awe, Lucifer feels his knees buckle. _He wasn’t real_. “Is it really you?” 

 

“Yes, my son. I’m here with you and I’m not leaving.” Their mother responds, a few fingers rubbing against her son’s skin in comfort as she nods. 

 

“No,” Lucifer interrupts, he sets his hand on his mother’s shoulders. He doesn’t want to get aggressive, but his emotions are still high and he cant see through his blurry tears. “You can’t, _we_ can’t.” 

 

“Of course we can.” 

 

“No we cannot stay here, this whole thing isn’t real Mum. We have to—“ 

 

“Save the detective?” His mother replied harshly, her attention still focused on her other son as she shakes Lucifer’s hand off her arm. 

 

That wakes him up, through shaky lips and wide eyes, he knows why this all happened. “ _Chloe_.” 

 

“Lucifer we can be happy down here, we could be a family.” His mother suggests. 

 

A family? 

 

The last time he checked, both of his parents abandoned him. He had no family that cared about him, and it was a awful reminder. 

 

“ _No_.” Lucifer says, he’s had enough. “You came here to save me, so I guess it’s my turn.” His mind was racing with thoughts about Chloe, his detective, wondering if he was too late. He can’t be. He watches as his mother turns around in confusion but yells when Lucifer wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her backwards. Her body lifts from the ground as he drags her towards the elevator, even if it was fake, it was a window of opportunity. He has to get out of here, even if it pains him to hear his mother scream to be with her son. 

 

“Uriel!” 

 

“Mom, please don’t go.” Uriel pleads with his hand extended, “I don’t want to lose you too.” 

 

Through his mother’s screaming, and his heart beating rapidly, Lucifer doesn’t know this...but the words of “I killed him Mum, he’s dead. That’s not your son.” came rushing out of his mouth like it would be the last words he’d speak. 

 

“He’s not real.” He frantically says, pulling her backwards into the elevator as she fought against his restraint. 

 

“He’s a fragment of both of our imaginations,” Lucifer pleads, trying to get his mother to calm down. The elevators shut, but she was banging in the doors. He takes a breath, “I killed him, he’s not going to be waiting for you if you go back up there.” 

 

 _I killed him_. Lucifer tries to shake the guilt from his own shoulders, wondering if his mother would’ve reacted the same if it was him and not Uriel. It didn’t take away from how terrible he felt about killing a sibling, but his life was in danger. 

 

Although now, it didn’t seem to matter to him because it was Chloe that raided his thoughts. Her life was in danger, and he had no idea if he was too late. 

 

Lucifer didn’t know if she was dead. 

 

(A small part of him never wants to find out, because what if she was? He doesn’t think he could handle that.) 

 

 

* * *

 

_ The Aftermath _

 

Chloe wasn’t going to make it. 

 

Lucifer was too scared — _yes_ , he could be terrified — to move any closer to examine if there was a rise in her chest for any sign of life. He couldn’t. It was his fault, he was too late. His plan failed and he would much rather stay back in Hell than return to this. He stood in the doorway, watching as Dan and Trixie had sat next to the detective with tears in their eyes. 

 

She wasn’t gone yet. 

 

But, how much time did she have left? 

 

“Brother,” Amenadiel stresses, his voice was urgent behind Lucifer. It was like he couldn’t hear anything but the sound of his heart bursting, his only focus wanting to stay only on Chloe. “What did you do to Mother?” 

 

“I failed.” Lucifer says completely ignoring the question, his eyes are narrowed and then he looks down to his hands that were just hypothetically covered with Uriel’s blood, he let his mind get to him. He _let_ his guilt settle deep into his bones, and he couldn’t save her. “ _I failed_.” Now his mind is racing into overdrive about Chloe, how she’s dying and being held up in an induced coma to keep her vitals stable, _stable is all she can be. “_ Amenadiel, I couldn’t save the detective.” And his knees buckle, and his brother is right there to catch him. 

 

“You did all you can.” His brother tries to comfort him, but there’s a bit of emotion in his voice too. He had a long history with Chloe Decker, he knew of her existence before his birth. In a way, she was supposed to mean more to him than he let off. 

 

“You don’t understand.” Lucifer says with a sudden anger, “Nobody seems to understand that if she dies in a few hours....” His words trail off, “She’ll be in Heaven, and guess what?” His vision is blurry, “The only two options I’ll have is either confide in father and return to Hell or live my endless life on Earth.”

 

”Brother—“ 

 

“If she dies, I _can’t_ go to the one place I _desire_  if she’s there...” Lucifer starts to panic, he won’t see her again. It hits him then, “And I can’t be with her.” He swallows thickly, keeping his focus on how Amenadiel’s eyes crease for a apologetic look. He shouldn’t want pity, but he does. “I need—I need to check up on her for Daniel and her child,” 

 

It seemed like a reasonable argument then. He was telling the truth, because if he was allowed back into Heaven he would be able to see Chloe and be some sort of messenger for the people she cares about. Amenadiel wants to respond but he doesn’t know if he should, his younger brother was so irrational and soft. 

 

“I’m deeply sorry that I can’t do anything.” Amenadiel says with a low voice, eyeing the people around them carefully. They were still in a public setting, “Father hasn’t given my powers back.” 

 

“You can’t possibly know that.” Lucifer tries to suggest, tilting his head in worry because Amenadiel was his only shot at this point. “Can you try? For me brother please, I need to see her.” 

 

“She isn’t dead yet, Lucifer.” 

 

“In a few hours,” He rasps, “She _will_ be and I can’t do anything about it.” 

 

Amenadiel is at a loss for words. His brother was cracking in front of his own eyes, his face fell with every passing second and the tears were threatening to fall onto his cheeks. Both of his hands were trembling at his side, only to realize his brother’s stare and shove them in his pockets. 

 

Lucifer swallows thickly, “Brother, you know me the best out of anyone.” He begins, and Amenadiel doesn’t know what to say when his mind goes blank with thoughts. “You must know that I can’t watch her die.” 

 

“Luci, what are you saying?” 

 

 

“I can’t be here.” He says simply, his voice cracks. “If I’m here when she....I-I won’t be able to recover.” 

 

Lucifer’s eyes are focused on the reaction of his brother, wanting desperately for him to understand. 

 

Then, it’s like time stands still. 

 

“So you’re saying—“ 

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Lucifer feels like his head is under water, like he cannot find a way to breath without glancing in the direction of Chloe’s hospital room. He’s still entranced with her, wanting the impossible of her recovery to become _possible_. “I guess you can say that the downfall of the infamous devil started with a death of a mortal.” 

 

How ironic? 

 

Amenadiel points out in shock, “Her death would send you into a spiral of emotions and things you can’t handle. You’ve never cared this much about anyone.” 

 

 _Emotions he’s never been to control_. 

 

“What can you say?” Lucifer tries to joke lightly, but his soul aches. He feels nothing but pain, “Chloe is _my_ person and she’s about to die.” 

 

“You don’t know that.” 

 

His response is sharp, “I didn’t know a lot of things about myself before she came into my miserable life.” Lucifer’s gaze finds the exit of the hospital corridor and he could taste the freedom of escaping it all. Of escaping the reality he always tries to run away from. “But as much as I want to hope, there’s a chance she won’t come out of this. I _know_ that.” 

 

And with that, he leaves. 

 

* * *

_One Hour Later_

 

His phone drops to the floor with a thud, falling from his lap with careless flight. 

 

There was another message from Daniel that he didn't bother to open because unfortunately enough, his heart felt too heavy to pass on any sort of sympathy to another person. Although he felt the incredible human emotion of pain and guilt, Lucifer didn't need to add Dan's own feelings into the mix. 

 

It was like a endless cycle of the same realization over and over again, of how worthless he was, simply put into words. Lucifer had always been the first person of his father's choosing to experience harsh torment and heart wrenching amounts of loneliness and abandonment by his own family members who won't even visit him. He doesn't blame them, not anymore, because since he was cast down into Hell his infamous angelic siblings aren't able to see him anyways. After a while, he got used to being the only person who cared about himself and his interests. He was comfortable with who he'd become a few years ago, so he came to Earth. 

 

He knew that women and liquor wouldn't satisfy him forever, but the basic need of comfort and lust turned from physical to something that needed to be fulfilled emotionally. He was that careless in his own way that had dysfunctional relationships, one night flings and letting people crawl on their feet for his attention. Lucifer had always been the first target in his father's games, but just this once...for the first time in his life, he would accept being a pawn as long as it meant he could keep Chloe alive. 

 

He didn’t want people crawling on their knees to be worth something to the man who had everything.... ~~ _he just wanted Chloe to be okay_~~. 

 

He didn’t want one night stands, or flings or anyone else to show him the affection he craved.... ~~ _unless it was from Chloe Decker_~~. 

 

 

Lucifer hated knowing that he wasn’t important in his father’s life, that he didn’t matter enough to have a real talk with his son about desire or the want he desperately felt and couldn’t do anything about it. He didn’t get a reason as to why his father wouldn’t try to fix the storm brewing in Lucifer’s mind because his father blessed him with controlling desire, and he didn’t have a say in why. 

 

What kind of father does that?

 

As a son, all he wanted was to please his father’s wishes just like Amenadiel. It’s the only reason why he gets that biter taste in his mouth and his eyes set ablaze with fire everytime his younger brother feels so strongly about doing the exact same. _He didn’t have that chance_.  

 

Lucifer also knew he rebelled for a reason, he wanted to show his father the power of his creations. It was his fault then, his emotions got the best of him only because he couldn’t _control_ it.  He couldn’t handle the intense heat of anger in his chest, or the feeling of not knowing what he was doing was worth it when his siblings looked on in shame and disgust. 

 

(They might’ve had millennia to reflect on that moment, but it’s harder for Lucifer to grasp because he caused the family dysfunction.) 

 

Lucifer’s back slid down his bedroom wall hoping to feel something other than the pain in his heart. His hand reaches down to turn his phone to face him, and he’s only able to read: “ _She’s still out, she would want you he—_ “ from Daniel’s message before he turns it back over. 

 

It was his fault that his father didn’t love him, it was his fault when his detective didn’t get the antidote she needed to survive, and it was still his fault that he’s disappointing the people he came to care about. 

 

His hands were shaking when they came to rub at his face, first it was gentle like he’d wake up from a horrible dream, but then he rubs at his skin so hard that it turns red and felt like he would activate his devil face. His skin burns, the surface seems to pour heat into his body and it feels normal. 

 

“I hate this.” He says softly, his eyes wide and he just knows he’s on the brink of breaking his own walls around his heart. He’s becoming vulnerable without the detective around, and _maybe_ he’d rather bleed knowing she was here and be the one to die instead. (Who is he kidding? Of course he’d trace places with the woman he cares about.) “I hate everything, Dad I especially _hate_ you.” 

 

“You’re taking her away from me aren’t you?” He takes a breath. 

 

Suddenly everything in his penthouse feels small. 

 

A beat passes. 

 

“This was your plan all along?” He spits out, looking directly out his window into the cascading sun. He knew exactly who he was talking to, and the same anger he felt all those years ago in the gates of the Silver City came rushing back to him in waves.

 

“You— _Chloe_ , is the one person who makes me happy...truly happy and you want to kill her, a human before you kill your own immortal son?” 

 

His throat burns as he laughs, “It must be a funny game to you!” The truth finally sets in, and he doesn’t hold back anymore. “My whole existence is a joke to you, why am I not surprised?” He looks around bitterly, a snarl on his face as he draws in the silence around him. This is his how his life is going to be without Chloe, quiet and angry and living in sorrow. 

 

Now that he finally had _his_ person, his reason to stay and live his life to the fullest with the detective by his side and supporting him, it was going to get ripped away from him. 

 

“I didn’t even get to tell her how I felt about her, how I truly feel.” 

 

Lucifer sighs shakily. It’s reminding him too much of the side he wanted to forget forever, he feels like the angel he once was. Vulnerable, selfish and scared of losing the light in his life. 

 

His hands fall limp in his lap, “You always ruin things for me.” 

 

There’s hot tears warning to spill from his eyes, and it makes him flinch because it’s so foreign. He doesn’t cry easily, he never was one to show his emotions to anyone but himself, it was so rare that it scares him. “I _want_ her Dad, I want her more than anything.” 

 

He feels a sting in the back of his head when it hits the wall as he shuts his eyes in darkness, “I _want_ her, only her. I _want_  Chloe to choose me, I need her to want to be with me.” He pauses to breath but there’s a burden on his chest that he can’t seem to get rid of, “You claim that you blessed her life for me, so that she can cross into my path and show me how to truly love someone. I understand why... I really do. But now that I know what that feels like, I just want to love her and try to prove everyone wrong.” 

 

He thinks of his parents, his family, the people who think he’s evil and deserve to be casted away in the depths of the world for an eternity when he clearly hates everything about it. Lucifer thinks back to the humans of this cruel world, the same people his father created in the beginning of time, and how much they despise his existence. How most of them are afraid of someone who reminds them of their horrid guilt and sins in their limited lives. How much they’re afraid of someone who showcases their own flaws and mistakes, as if they could ever erase it. 

 

But then, he thinks of Chloe Decker. 

 

She’s the definition of good. Of beauty, grace, hardworking and innocent. 

 

His miracle. 

 

Quite frankly, his own soulmate. 

 

She admits to her flaws, her quirks and mistakes wholeheartedly. Lucifer also knows that she doesn’t deserve to die and it was his _mistake_ that she was going to. 

 

“Don’t let her go.” Lucifer finally says, opening his eyes to blurred vision and the panic returns in his chest. He’s trying to be calm, so he interlocks his hands together so hard until his knuckles turn white. “I know she deserves to be in Heaven, but I need her here. _With me_.”  

 

Just like the many times he’s tried to speak to his father, it’s silence that meets him in return. No brush of the wind on his window, or a tap of a plant against his door, or weather related signs. 

 

“I want to be with her, it’s the one thing I ask from you.” He wipes frantically at his eyes to make sure he isn’t crying, and continues. “I’ll treat her better than you treated me and the others, I’ll tell her how I feel. I’ll love her unconditionally.” 

 

He was never one to do so....

 

But it’s a last resort option and he just lets go, he lets go of the worry and puts faith in someone he shouldn’t be trusting but he’s willing to bet his life. 

 

He licks his lips carefully, and in a low voice he feels himself crack. 

 

“ _Please_ , Father.” 

 

Lucifer begs for someone’s life. 

 

* * *

 

_ Three Hours Later _

 

”You complete idiot.” Maze sighs into the phone loudly, there’s beeping monitors in the background. “You’re the only person not here with her.” 

 

Lucifer ignores the stab at his own actions that he’s still painfully aware of and responds, “I didn’t think you would be there, at least she has one demon by her side.” 

 

“You’re stupid.” Maze barks out, “The most stubborn person I’ve even met.” 

 

“You’ve met Amenadiel.” 

 

“ _Lucifer_!” She shouts through a clenched jaw, he could hear the sound of her boots against the floor so that must mean she’s walking outside. “Chloe needs you.” 

 

“She’s not responsive, Maze” It’s Lucifer’s turn to get angry, “In case you forgot but the detective is going to die in a few hours.” 

 

He thinks back to what Ella said before her two friends went undercover at the college party, “ _I feel bad for the person who hasn’t come clean, I mean, the anecdote is gone and the process is ruthless. There’s non-stop bleeding, fainting spells, and then your guts start to boil from the inside out and then you die a day later_.”

 

It’s almost twenty four hours. 

 

“There’s still a chance—“ 

 

Lucifer raises his voice, “You don’t think I’m holding onto that small bit of hope that she could make it out of this alive and well! Because I am.” 

 

“What if she wakes up and you’re not here?” Maze suggests, and she sits back in a metal chair outside of Chloe’s hospital room. “What if were too busy catching up with your _dear_ detective because she was in a coma for two days straight,” She mocks through her anger at a man she cares for, “And she asks for you? And you’re not there? Or better yet! We’re so happy to see her that we forget to call you?” Maze lowers her voice to get through to Lucifer’s stubborn ways, hoping he’d listen. He has to. “Or will you be halfway to Hell by that point?” 

 

“Stop.” Lucifer demands, absentmindedly putting his cup down with force. The left over liquid sloshed at the bottom of his cup and he’s tempted to just chug it back into his throat to feel it burn. “You don’t get to talk to me like that.” 

 

“You’re hurting Lucifer.” Maze says with a soft voice, “Nobody in her room wants her to go up _there_ either, but we’re here to support her. I know how much you care for her, you love—“ 

 

“ _Don’t_ , Mazikeen.” Lucifer pleads, his mind is running in circles. “Don’t finish that sentence if you know what’s good for you.” 

 

“You’re scared of losing her.” 

 

“Stop.” 

 

“You aren’t here because you don’t want to be there if she dies...” Maze understands his strategy but it won’t work on her. She’ll drag him to the hospital if she needs to, if he cares about Chloe, then he should be there at her worst. “ _God_ , Lucifer.” 

 

“I’ve already talked to Dad, he isn’t helping.” He responds as if nothing happens and he reaches for his drink and swings it back, he swallows with a sour face. 

 

“Pathetic.” 

 

It makes him jump, “Excuse me?” 

 

“Do I need to say it again?” Maze spits out with something along the lines of disgust and impatience. “You love the poor woman and aren’t even at her bedside.” 

 

“She had Daniel, the doctor, and yourself.” 

 

“But she doesn’t have _you_.” 

 

Lucifer can’t keep up the strong charade for any longer, he sets his cup down that’s once again in his hands and runs his fingers through his hair. “I know Maze, I know I’m not there for a reason and it’s selfish.” 

 

“Why can’t you be here?” She asks and shrugs, “Even Dan is here with their spawn and they’ve loved her for longer than you have, and they still stay.” 

 

Lucifer takes a deep breath, “I don’t want to see her in pain. I was the one that failed to get the anecdote, I don’t deserve to be around her loved ones or see her if she wakes. As much as I want to be there, you have to understand that I can’t face anyone who knows her death was my fault.” 

 

“It was the professor’s fault.” Maze argues with a strength in her tone, “He was the one who didn’t write the antidote and selfishly ended his life before you could get it out of him.” 

 

“I got distracted with my own loop, it’s all on me.” 

 

“That’s what Hell is Lucifer, it’s your own regrets.” She rubs her hand against her face to keep sane, but then she’s honest to him. “I don’t want you to regret not being with Chloe.” 

 

“I’m afraid that there’s only one person who could make me feel that way and it’s the same person who’s trying to take her away from me.” He admits, swallowing thickly because he needs more of numbing his pain. She knows who he’s talking about, and he’s relieved. “Keep me updated, Maze. That’s all I want.” 

 

“You should be here.” 

 

“I know.” He decides, and it breaks him all over again. He should— “But I can’t see her right now.” 

 

“Fine.” Maze’s voice cracks a little but Lucifer notices, “I’ll do as you ask.” 

 

Lucifer hangs up his phone, feeling as if he lost the fight within himself to listen to his own instructions when he just won against Maze. His soul feels as if it’s drawn to Chloe, and the longing of their two halves to meet again felt just as painful as cutting off his own angel wings.

 

He shouldn’t just sit back and not do anything.  

 

But, he just doesn’t know what else to do. 

 

* * *

 

_ Five Hours Later _

 

He was staring into the night sky with his hands clutched onto the rooftop railing for a safe haven. 

 

It doesn’t even startle him when he hears a voice behind him. 

 

“What do I owe the pleasure, Brother?”

 

Lucifer doesn’t look back, his gaze is careless in focus. “I owed the detective a visit, it’s what’s right.”

 

It was Amenadiel, walking with slow steps to stand next to his brother. It’s been a crazy day, having watched over the detective for hours on end trying to find a way to speak to Father. It wasn’t only Lucifer trying to save her, that’s for sure. There wasn’t a single breeze in the atmosphere, and there’s no sign of their father wanting to engage in the conversation. 

 

“Luci doing what’s right?” Amenadiel snickers, standing a few feet away. “Who would’ve thought?” 

 

“If I’m honest,” Lucifer sighs, leaning forward on his heels. “I can’t think about anything else but Chloe.” 

 

“You’re here now Brother.” He pauses to nod assuredly, “That’s what matters. I can show you to her room if you like.” 

 

Lucifer shakes his head frantically, like it was the worst thing to happen to him. 

 

“No, I’m alright.” His lips flatten into a thin line after he attempts to smile. 

 

“ _What_?” 

 

“I can’t do it, Amenadiel.” He says in a soft tone, “Not when she’s—“ the words get caught in his throat, “like that.” 

 

“There’s things you can’t control in this life, Luci.” His younger brother starts to explain, and he can’t help but turn his head to listen. “There’s good and bad things we go through, you can’t hide when the bad happens and you can’t only be around when the good times are. You have to choose if it’s worth it to be there for both, and if she’s worth it.” 

 

Lucifer is at a loss for words. He knows the topic was Chloe, that’s where his inspiration struck but he didn’t understand what was being said. It was hard to be around Chloe when she’s in a coma and can’t see him, but he would rather be by her side than sulk about why he isn’t. It wasn’t right. If he cared he should be there for her, and he did care for her more than anyone else he’s ever met. 

 

“What if she doesn’t make it, there’s not a lot of time.” Lucifer says after a few minutes of silence. 

 

“That’s up to Dad to decide.” They both know it’s true, neither of them having the power to disagree. “You’ve been thinking about the negative too much, how would you feel if she doesn’t pass?” 

 

“ _Oh_.” Lucifer takes a deep breath and tries to think of ways to put his thoughts into words, and he’s blunt with his response. “I would never let her go again, I most likely would get myself killed trying to prevent her getting hurt.” 

 

“That’s not what I was expecting.” 

 

“What were you expecting, Brother?” 

 

Lucifer asks curiously, and his mouth tilts upwards when Amenadiel straightens himself out. “Something along the lines of ‘I _’d confess my love for her_ ’“ 

 

He doesn’t move, “Oh really? Maze said the same thing earlier.” 

 

“It’s only because we’re right.” 

 

Lucifer waits for his brother to lock eyes with him, and he admits it with certainty and honesty. “You aren’t wrong.” 

 

Something about being near Chloe’s hospital room, a few floors above her own, was enough to fill his chest with nerves and light. The light she could only provide for him, and he wonders why his mother calls him the _light_ _bringer_ whenit should be Chloe’s title _._

 

* * *

 

 _Thirty Minutes Later (Chloe’s Hospital Room)_ 

 

The first person who greets him when he walks into the hospital room was Chloe’s spawn, Beatrice. 

 

“Lucifer!” The little girl exclaims, getting up from the seat next to her father and running to throw herself into the arms of a man she hadn’t seen in a few weeks. 

 

“Beatrice, love how are you?” He asks softly, frowning when he feels her hug his left leg. She grips tightly and he could feel the force of her hold because he’s in the room with the detective, but he still lets her hold on. 

 

Trixie pulls away and tugs on the bottom hem of his shirt so that Lucifer could kneel to match height levels, and he complies. “What’s the matter?” 

 

Her bold eyes look directly into his and that’s when Lucifer knows she’s going to ask a question that he can’t answer for her right now, “My mom is gonna be okay right?” With puffy eyes and a sad tone to her voice, she continues after Lucifer sets his hand on top of her’s. “Can you tell me that?” 

 

“I’m—“ Lucifer starts, but he has to pause to regain his sullen composure. “I don’t know.” 

 

He can’t possibly let the youngest Decker  cry again, so he suggests something else for her. His hand squeezes her’s lightly and he tries to smile, give her any type of joy. “What I do know is that you need rest, and those benches aren’t comfortable I bet.” 

 

Someone else in the room, either Maze or Daniel piped themselves into the conversation with a muffled, “You haven’t been here for two days, you don’t even know the pain I’m in.” 

 

(It sounded like Daniel, so he ignores it.) 

 

Lucifer’s attention is still on Beatrice and she’s nodding in agreement, “I’ve missed school today.” 

 

“See?” Lucifer argues with a gentle tone as he continues, “You need to sleep on an actual bed with your father next to you and go to school.” He makes sure no one else hears him, “It’s what your mom would want.” 

 

Trixie’s eyes get watery, but she doesn’t cry. She just pulls herself closer to Lucifer and shocks them both when she wraps both arms around his neck and hug him tightly. The girl needs any sort of comfort, and he can’t _not_ give it to her because he cares about her mother too much as well. 

 

Daniel walks up to the two, sounding exhausted. “You managed to show up finally.” 

 

“Yes,” Lucifer hates the awkwardness that forms and follows, so he fights the tightness in his vocal chords. “Better late than never, I wanted to be here with her Daniel I swear—“ 

 

“You don’t have to apologize.” Dan admits, putting a hand on his daughter’s shoulders to pull her close to him. It was nothing personal, but he wanted to stay close to the other person that matters to him. “It’s hard seeing her like this, I understand.” 

 

Lucifer nods slowly, rocking slowly on the back of his heels. He’s avoiding the one person in the room that he’s feeling so much for, and his ears ring with the sound of beeping machines and monitors. It was Chloe hanging onto a life line that he can’t control, and that scares him. 

 

Dan gestures towards the bed, “She’s hanging on. The doctors think the increase in medicine will help her stabilize for now, but if it gets worse as the hours go by...they’ll have to opt for a blood transfusion.” 

 

“No luck with the antidote?” The other man rasps, his voice rough. 

 

Dan shakes his head trying to look anywhere, anything other than the eyes locked on his every move. He had to be strong, he could worry later. “Nope, and that’s _after_ listening to Ella talk with her friends over in Chicago for hours.” He manages a chuckle, “That girl is so hardheaded.” 

 

Lucifer let’s the conversation fall to a close, but then suggest something that he could hopefully get away with. 

 

“Why don’t you all go home for the night?” Daniel and Maze stare at him oddly, freezing in their spots. “I know you’ve been here all day, and visiting hours are almost closed anyways. The little one has to rest in an actual bed and I—“ He finally looks at the woman resting in the hospital bed, her eyes closed and a soft cave to her chest was assuring to his own internal dilemma. “I could stay with her and watch out for anything.” 

 

Maze is the first to speak, her brows furrowed in confusion as she sits up in her seat across from Dan, “You want us to leave so that you could be with her alone?” 

 

Through gritted teeth, “That’s exactly my point.” 

 

Dan sighs loudly, it was dramatic as he ran his hands down his face. He was the most emotionally drained out of all the adults, and he deserved the rest. “Maze it’s for the best. We’ve been here for days like you said, and he wants to be with Chloe. I actually don’t mind getting Trixie in her own bed and having my phone on me if anything happens.” 

 

She relaxes, then tries to straighten her back but hisses when she realizes she had a knot she can’t get rid of. It wasn’t comfortable at all, “Fine.” 

 

Maze gets up, sends Chloe another long glare and confronts Lucifer. “You have your phone?” (He pats the outside of his suit jacket pocket) “Call us if anything happens.” She frowns, and there’s a glass look in her eyes. “ _Anything_. Good or bad.” 

 

Lucifer assures, “You’ll be the first people I call.” Then teases, “Were you speaking to my brother earlier? He listens to you too much.” There’s something along the lines of pride dancing in his eyes when he looks down at her, “When did you get so insightful?” 

 

Maze smiles and pats Lucifer on the chest a few times, “Amenadiel is such a handful, and maybe I’ve learned a thing or two from humans.” She gets interrupted when Trixie pulls at her sleeve, but doesn’t let the distraction stop her. “We could learn to love and protect someone, the _right_ way.” 

 

“The detective would say something like that.” 

 

“I live with her, I know.” She teases, and let’s herself get dragged away from Lucifer and then she’s out of the room with Trixie and Daniel. 

 

Lucifer is alone with Chloe. 

 

The weight of the world is back resting on his shoulders, his chest feels heavy with emotions he won’t bother to describe to an empty space, he’s choked up with words he can’t but should say to her, but he doesn’t run away. 

 

Instead, he takes off his black suit jacket and drapes it over the chair next to the one he decides to sit in. With a shaking sigh and crushing realizations, he takes her right hand and interlocks their fingers together. 

 

“ _Hello_ detective,” He says in a low voice that sounds like a whisper, he’s scared to speak louder. It’s strangely intimate now and he won’t ruin it, “It’s my fault you’re here.” His words drag out like he’s fighting himself. “If you get out of this alive, I’ll apologize and you’ll get to yell at me all you want.” 

 

“I’ll yell at myself if you won’t be able to.” He decides to add on, not sure if he should act like he’s confident with her recovery. “It’s been the worst few days of my life if I’m honest with you.” 

 

With that, his head tilts and his grip gets tighter on her hand when he leans against her bed. He had to admire her one last time, it’s his chance now. Chloe had her eyes shut peacefully, with few crinkles in the creases, and a relaxed expression. It’s the most relaxed he’s ever seen her, with how hard she usually works on a daily basis. She does so much for the city, her family and _him_. Her blonde hair was down and framing her face, only to cascade on the pillow. She looked younger if anything, and just as beautiful. 

 

“All because of you.” He says with a clenched jaw, “I’ve been doing terrible without you. It’s something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, seeing someone they deeply care about in a hospital bed with these traumatizing beeps from a machine  to let me know that you’re alive. It’s the  notknowing if you’ll make it, _not_ knowing if you’ve made the biggest mistake of the millennia.” Lucifer knows she can’t hear him, and he’s deciding if it’s a good thing or not. “Or knowing if the bigger mistake is not telling you how I really feel.” 

 

Even if she isn’t responding to him, it’s better than the hollowness he would feel deep in his chest when his father did the same. At least, Chloe had vocally shared her care and kindness in the past to his face and didn’t hide behind his children or issues with his eternal wife. At least Chloe knows that he isn’t good enough for her, never will be good enough for a miracle like her, but still wants to love him like he isn’t a monster. 

 

Chloe is _better_. 

 

His thumb caresses blindly into the back of her hand, “If you don’t make it, I’ll find a way to manage, although it won’t be easy. Before you came along, I went through the streets of this city feeling numb and useless. I was lonely, and deprived of contact and affection. That’s why I relied on sex to get me through it all, it was comforting to make people feel good.” He genuinely smiles, thinking about how much he’s changed because of her. “Then, I met you. A stubborn and gorgeous woman that works for law enforcement, who just wanted details on a case on the murder of another person who I cared about. You leaned against my piano like you owned it, and tried to keep a straight face with my responses.”

 

Lucifer thinks of her eyes, how blue and how demanding they were. With just one look, you were drawn into the depths of the sea and willing to dive right in. Her presence was striking, no matter what she wore or did, she commanded attention with a simple look or gaze.

 

“I wish I could show you the real version of myself.” He admits, biting his bottom lip to stop trembling. It’s like his whole body is shaking, “I know it would be easy to do so, but that’s terrifying for me.” 

 

 _His Devil face_ ; burned, ash, hot to the touch, powerful, piercing red eyes. 

 

 _His Angel wings_ ; a reminder of his father who created the earth, purity, a tie to his siblings, the power of healing someone in pain. 

 

 _His past_. 

 

“I don’t want you to run away.” He finally says, “Who I am, it’s real and true. It’s someone you wouldn’t want to be around, I can promise you that.” 

 

He lets go of her hand, only to reach and caress the side of her face. She’s warm and her pale skin is soft and angelic, and it’s no wonder his father would want her as soon as he got the chance. 

 

“That’s why I let you believe that it’s true.” His hand stills, “It hurts when you don’t believe my honesty, but it’s for the best until _and_ if you come back to me.” 

 

Lucifer doesn’t know what else to say so he sits back in the chair. His head leans back to stare at the ceiling, knowing it’s most likely useless to try to speak to his father again. He didn’t answer the first time, so why should he try again? It’s pathetic— just like what Maze said — and he does it anyways. “Remember when I died for Chloe? How I swore that I’d do anything to please your demands and requests as long as she’s protected and her life was spared for that sinful ex con who escaped death once? That’s still a bargain if you’re listening, Father.” He closes his eyes, lazy to put his hands together to pray. “So _please_ , can you just be here for me once in my life.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Through his doubt and uncertainty, he tries one last time. 

 

His hands were folded together to pray on his knees, his back is sore with constant attempts to unfurl his dark wings. 

 

“Chloe doesn’t have time.” 

 

He repeats, through forced will. 

 

“I can’t _give_ her time.” He pauses to keep sane, it was the truth and he’s desperate to reach out. “If Lucifer is really _my_ test to get my powers back, let me help him Dad. She’s a miracle you created, you are the only person to help her besides the anecdote.” He admits that his obsession with getting his powers and wings back was definite and a top priority but he needed to do this for Chloe first. 

 

He was at the same church that his other brother Uriel had died in, so it’s a sore spot for both his parents. It was the one other place that could get his father’s attention quickly, and if he wouldn’t listen to Lucifer, then Amenadiel has to speak for him. 

 

“Dad, Luci needs Chloe to survive, she’s the first person he’s loved.” He argues in a loud voice, he’s the only one in the abandoned building. “Let him be truly happy just this once.” 

 

He allows his soul to let go, to be free and search for a connection to Heaven or his father. Amenadiel had to get through to someone, he knows that. His eyes close lighter than a feather, trying to remain serene and calm so that he can pass through easily. 

 

“Father?” He calls out, willing to offer a bargain that his father cannot refuse for the cost of a human life. He loves his family, it’s precious. He adjusts, the faint voices in his head get louder. Just for a second, he thinks he’s almost there so he speaks again, “I’ll return to the Silver City as long as Chloe gets healed.” 

 

“That’s it.” 

 

The voice gets louder, and then suddenly it echos. 

 

“ _My dear son_ ,” The voice is present and strong, deep and welcoming. “ _Aside from your brother’s begging, I didn’t expect you to argue on his behalf_.” 

 

“It’s Chloe Decker, the woman you blessed him with. Are you really going to take her?” 

 

“ _It’s refreshing to see Lucifer plead for her life, I haven’t seen that since the rebellion with Mazikeen_.” His father speaks with humor, and Amenadiel can’t find the words to speak and stay respectful. He was toying with Lucifer’s feelings? “ _Chloe is a miracle by my hand, she’s strong and she’ll come back better than before_.” 

 

“So she’s alive?” 

 

“ _Yes, my son_.” His father admits with a serious tone, it was clouded by the darkness in his head but Amenadiel could feel the light burst through his soul. “ _I arranged this all to happen. The last transfusion that the Detective is about to receive was delivered by your sister who quite frankly, is too attached to that forensic scientist to see her be depressed over a death of a close friend, so that should heal her._ ” 

 

“She’s being healed by divinity? Can she handle that, father?” He dismisses the fact that his sister had returned to earth from her role as the Angel Of Death, the irony of the situation was too much. 

 

His time was running out, he couldn’t hear or speak much so he had to get an answer quickly. The relationship that he had with Heaven couldn’t be strong when he didn’t have his powers, but he was still the son of God, so it worked. 

 

“ _I made the woman to be with one of my most powerful sons_.” His father exclaims and his voice starts to fade, “ _If you want my help to save her, then this is the only way. She’ll survive because she’s special_.” 

 

With those words, his father’s voice in the Silver City vanished and Amenadiel collapses onto the alter of the Church. 

 

He’s weak, but glad to know he helped. 

 

He helped Lucifer save Chloe, and now he just has to wait for the good news. 

 

* * *

 

_ The Aftermath _

 

“Sir?” The same nurse that had interrupted Lucifer’s sleep a few minutes prior to kick him out so that she could do the last round of blood transfusions, had called for his attention. He had been waiting outside, minding his own business to only be panicked when she asks for him. _Typical_. “You might want to see this.” 

 

He inhaled sharply, should he be worried? Had Chloe died in just a few minutes of being alone? Why wasn’t the nurse more frantic with her bad news? 

 

There’s a stack of complaints in his mind before he could even think of a response to say, “Is she alright?” 

 

His heart drops to the floor, and it’s like he stops breathing when he asks, “Is she gone?” ( _It was his fault, he shouldn’t of opened up his damn cell in Hell and gotten himself trapped inside so that Chloe could live, she would be here still if he wasn’t so irrational and pitiful_ —)

 

His thoughts come to a halt, as she leads the taller man into the room. A gentle hand placed on his back, her eyes watering with tears, and her mouth open in shock and awe. She was looking at Chloe, he realized. 

 

Lucifer’s eyes follow to Chloe on the bed only to find her how he had left her, but the monitors are beeping differently. It wasn’t just a repetitive rhythm of her heart trying to stay alive, but it was melodic and steady. His brows furrow together when he sees the loops rise at different heights, trying to regain strength and then it levels the same. 

 

Her vitals weren’t weaker, they were getting stronger. 

 

She was trying to wake up. 

 

 _Chloe was trying to stay_. 

 

Lucifer strides over to the machines and eyes them closely, and he turns back to the Nurse with a foolish grin on his face and newly found tears in his eyes. “She’s alive.” 

 

 

“It’s rare to see a patient bounce back from a poisoning of this degree.” She walks closer, “Luckily, the professor must’ve injected her with one of his weaker substances since he knew he was going to lose everything.” Her mouth is still agape in shock, “That must be it.” 

 

Lucifer knows that wasn’t the case. He had seen her faint in his arms after going down a mere ten steps in a school, he had seen her dizzy with madness and bleeding that stained her fingers that he watched get rubbed off in a precinct bathroom. He had witnessed the Detective turn from her usual olive colored skin to pale white in a matter of minutes, and whisper her words in fear that she’d get sick if she spoke any louder. 

 

 _This wasn’t accidental, but purposeful_. 

 

If anything, Chloe was strong and had the motivation to survive. But then again it was the constant nagging in the back of his mind, that _someone_ else had something to do with her very sudden recovery. 

 

His joy comes out in choked sobs and a grin so wide that it makes his jaw turn sore. 

 

“She’ll be waking soon.” The nurse smiles at the emotional person in front of her, happy for miracles like these. “By the rate her vitals are improving, it’ll be minutes.” 

 

She asks, “Do you have any family you’d like to call to let them know?” 

 

 _Daniel, Maze, Beatrice_. 

 

“Yes, _Yes_.” He repeats after hesitation with his constant focus on the detective in front of him. He hands off his phone with small instructions on phone numbers and contacts, knowing he won’t be able to talk to them because of how much of a mess he is. 

 

He takes his rightful place next to Chloe and taps his foot anxiously, waiting for her to open an eye or squeeze his hand in reassurance. _Just give him a sign_. 

 

It’s just them two in the room together again, and unlike before, he was filled with hope and the burden lifts. 

 

“Chloe, it’s time you wake up now so that I can stop worrying about you.” He says softly, using his foot to hook around the chair leg to scoot himself closer to the bed. “You’re okay, you aren’t going anywhere.” His sighs in relief, “You aren’t visiting my father any time soon.” 

 

A beat passed. 

 

His emotions are high, driven by the knowledge of knowing that his detective was going to survive something he couldn’t control. He could feel guilty for putting everyone through this torture of having Chloe on the brink on death, but he chooses not to be in that moment. 

 

He could spend a life time apologizing for his faults, his mistakes, but he won’t feel sorry for the love he feels in his entire being when he thinks of her. 

 

Maybe, just _maybe_ , it was his mind playing tricks on him. He must’ve been squeezing her hand so tight that he imagined her returning the gesture, only much weaker and gentle. The Devil doesn’t dream, but if it wasn’t real, he didn’t want to wake up from one. 

 

If it was all a cruel nightmare, he didn’t care for it. Nobody would’ve cared enough to wake him up from it, and he’s glad for that if it’s true. 

 

But it wasn't a dream or nightmare. 

 

It turned into reality when he saw her fingers twitch in his grasp, and then there’s a light groan passing her lips and a hiss of pain. 

 

It’s reality. _His reality_. 

 

 

* * *

 

The first thing that Chloe does when she’s able to open her eyes, was stare intently at Lucifer. 

 

She was still dazed with the bright lights and his worried face, but she manages to sneak a few glances before he realizes what she’s doing. 

 

(He was holding her hand, and if she hadn’t been getting used to her surroundings that seemed so new and alarming, she would’ve blushed.) 

 

“ _Detective_ ,” He breathes her name out like a prayer, and she can’t get enough so she pulls his arm so his face is right in front of her. She looks at him with confusion written all over her, “What’s the matter?” 

 

His face is blurred, but it’s better to see upclose than it was a few moments ago. 

 

“I’m alive.” She states, and it makes his eyes soften. “And you’re here.” 

 

“Do you want me to go? Did you not want me here?” He immediately suggests and she doesn’t miss his expression drop and a tense hand in her’s. 

 

“No, I want you.” She croaks out, mindless to how it sounded. She may mean the truth, but she didn’t even know if he wants to be with her. “—I want you here with me, I mean.” 

 

Lucifer chuckles lightly, and she feels it against her chest. (They were that close to eachother now.) he had beautiful eyes up close, they were so inviting and warm and just perfect. Her vision comes back into focus when one of his fingers starts to trace her forehead lines and her jawline, like he’s the one in awe this time. 

 

“You had all of us worried.” He says simply, his eyes wander on her features. 

 

“ _All of us_?” She rasps, her dry throat doesn’t agree with her need to speak. 

 

“It was Daniel, Maze and your spawn who came to visit.” Lucifer says, and he didn’t mean to pause but she gasps as best she can. “I may of told them to go home last night so they could rest and Ive been here ever since.” 

 

“ _Oh_ , Lucifer.” She closes her eyes to wonder about what her daughter must think now. Did she know that her mother was alive? Was she okay? She had no idea. “I didn’t want Trixie to see me like this.” 

 

“We were scared.” He tries to make it sound genuine but then he starts to ramble on his own emotions, he leans closer. “I was scared of losing you, and it was so close. I tried to do everything in my power to save you and then that plan failed and I—“ 

 

She cuts him off with a strong, as best she could do, nod of her head, “ _I’m alive_.” 

 

“You are.” Lucifer agrees, he’s  adoring how she’s looking at him. Her eyes are wide and blue, she’s curious, and she’s getting lost in everything he is. Oh how the tables have turned, it’s how he finds himself looking at her constantly. 

 

Neither of them wanted to deal with how they really felt, knowing the conversation could wait for when Chloe is healthy and Lucifer could handle telling her how he feels when she’s awake, and not in a coma. 

 

It surprises him when her eyes flicker from his lips to gaze in his eyes, it repeats a few times before he does something about it. He licks his lips in anticipation, knowing, _wanting_ her to move along with him. 

 

“ _Chloe_ ,” He takes in a breath, afraid he’s going to lose it when his lips press on her’s. He doesn’t move, the hand that’s tracing her jaw freezes in place and he faintly could feel her swallow. “I don’t want to lose you.” 

 

“What do you mean?” Her voice is barely there, raspy and he could tell that it hurt to speak. But she’s so locked into his thought process, she needs to know how he’s feeling. “I didn’t go anywhere.” 

 

Lucifer thinks about his other side, his devil face, his wings, his past and his nerves about showing her. If she only knew, she would _leave_. If his father didn’t listen to him, if Amenadiel or Maze hadn’t given him the motivation to come see her in her worst state, she would’ve _died_. She had no idea what she was doing or setting herself up for, but the love was too strong between the both of them that he couldn’t care right now. 

 

“You’ll leave me,” He argues, his mouth was now an inch away from grazing her lips. Their eyes are locked, wanting this to happen more than anything. After everything they’ve gone through, they deserved this ounce of happiness and bliss. “Once you find out.” 

 

“Don’t say that.” She pleads, her hands finding a way to curl around his neck and usher him on. “I almost died Lucifer, _don’t_ even give me that.” 

 

“This whole poisoning put a pause on whatever we have.” She continues with a soft voice, pushing through. “I want to be with you, I don’t care about anything else. I wanna turn ‘ _whatever we have_ ’ into something that matters to the both of us. Lucifer, I only want you.” 

 

He swallows thickly, afraid to blink because he would only be blinking back tears and Chloe deserved to see him happy. Both of his hands suddenly come up to cup her cheeks, and he lets his lips glide against her mouth softly and let her keep the pace at whatever she wanted. 

 

Whatever she needed. 

 

Her hands shakily frame his, and he’s afraid to make the wrong move. His heart is beating fast, his pulse is alive in his fingers, and he doesn’t pull away from her affection even when he’s breathless. 

 

The Devil doesn’t get happy endings, _Hell_ he doesn’t even get a family who deserves him, but for some reason... 

 

He’s willing to think of that moment with Chloe alive in a hospital bed, with her hands on his, grasping onto his hold like she was scared she’ll lose it if she opens her eyes, is something that can’t be anything else other than perfect. 

 

Even if Lucifer also thinks she’ll disappear if he opens his eyes too, it was mutual and he couldn’t ask for a better woman to love. He was cared for, loved and needed. 

 

(He just can’t help himself.) 

 

When Chloe pulls away first, she only allows him to pull away an inch away from her face. She’s deprived of his touch, what can she say? 

 

“It feels good to be needed.” He whispers against her lips, and she smiles sweetly with her biting lip because she has everything she _needs_ right in front of her face. “Being with someone, being with _you_ —“ He moves his hand and pauses to pepper kiss her cheek, “It’s all I wanted.” 

 

They were just getting started. 


End file.
